Can You Embody Who You Need To Be To Have What You Want In Your Relationship?

Marlena Tillhon MSc
3 min readApr 26, 2023


Photo by Lauren Richmond on Unsplash

Trying to change and improve your relationship can feel scary.

Becoming a different version of yourself can feel daunting. Impossible, even.

That’s when we feel most called to settle.

“Maybe this is good enough. Maybe I should just learn to be more tolerant and grateful. Maybe I do have unrealistic expectations and just have to rein myself in.”

But settling doesn’t lead to change.

Not settling does.

This is where we have to muster up our courage and empower ourselves.

A new step.

A new way of being.

Different results.

We can talk about what we want to change all we like.

We can even plan it and strategise about it.

But that’s not what’s going to lead to change.

You doing something differently is a great start.

But it may only achieve short-term results.

Maybe you can go a week without arguing. Maybe you will have 1 nice date. Maybe you have a deeper conversation but then go back to talking about the weather.

But that’s not what you want.

You want lasting change.

Change you can trust.

And the ONLY way to achieve that is by becoming the version of yourself who is a perfect match for what you desire.

That’s the bit that sounds a bit overwhelming.

I mean where do you even start with that?

I tell you where: start with the easiest thing you can change and shift into now.

One small move is better than a perfectly planned move you don’t make.

Focus on what you want. Feel into it. Allow yourself to feel great desire for it.

And then ask yourself: Who do I have to be for that to happen?

Valuing yourself a little more?

Overcoming some internal inhibitions?

Allowing yourself to be a bit more demanding?

What is it?

What does it look like?

And, more importantly, how does it feel?

Let yourself linger in the feeling.

That alone does things for you your mind will struggle to understand.

But what I want to prepare you for is that your mind will try to convince you that you are not who you need to be to have what you want.

It will trash-talk you in some way.

Don’t listen.

Becoming a different version of yourself doesn’t mean that you’re flawed or lacking in some way right now.

It just means that you get to start to direct your evolution more consciously.

With intention.

With focus.

Connected to a deeper desire and purpose.

It’s a new way of being.

One that liberates you from the past.

One that lets you grow into who you want and choose to become.

One that calls in the things you’ve always wished for but never believed were possible for you.

The latest communication technique is not going to transform your relationship.

Your personal evolution is.

Don’t delay it any further.

Step courageously and intentionally into your future.

Right now.

Then watch your relationships begin to thrive.

With Love, Marlena

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Marlena Tillhon MSc

Epic Love Relationships & Aligned Partner Choices through Inner Healing & Self-Mastery - follow me on IG @lovewithclarity and visit me on