Do You Choose Yourself In Your Relationship?
When Self-Abandonment Feels Like Love
Choosing yourself is a vital component of healthy relating.
There is no self-sacrifice or self-abandonment in healthy relationships.
This means that you have to know how to choose yourself.
Choosing yourself means that you acknowledge your responsibilities to yourself.
It is the promise to yourself to make yourself matter in healthy, considerate and loving ways.
This does not mean that you dominate, overpower or control others.
Choosing yourself is about elevating and equalising in relationships.
This is inherently healthy and loving.
You choose yourself every time you ask yourself what you really want and then share it with your partner.
You also choose yourself every time you seek win-win solutions in your relationship.
These are solutions and outcomes that work for you and your partner.
Because contrary to common belief one partner does not have to lose so the other one can win.
This seesaw approach to relationship is what ultimately ends relationships.
It leads you back to self-abandonment when self-abandonment is a habit that leads to an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
If a relationship requires you to abandon yourself, I can guarantee that it isn’t a healthy dynamic.
This is when you have to lean into choosing yourself because that is the first step towards creating a healthier dynamic and potentially saving that relationship.
If a relationship falls apart because you choose yourself, be reassured that that is not the right relationship for you because no matter how much you might love that person or how much you might want that relationship to work out it was always based on the need for you to abandon yourself.
Self abandonment can never lead to healthy connection because it is based on internal disconnection.
You simply cannot achieve an outcome with input that doesn’t match up.
