If We Need Love More Than Anything Else, Why Are We So Bad At Being Loving?

Photo by Victoria Roman on Unsplash

I recently asked in a poll on my Instagram account whether people need more help or more love and the vast majority of people responded with ‘love’.

What that made me think was that if people agree that we need love more than anything, how it is possible that we struggle so much to be loving?

We struggle to be loving towards ourselves and towards others.

I think that the question is often interpreted as ‘I need to get love so that I can feel better’ or ‘people need to get love to feel better’. And, of course, that is a valid observation because when we feel loved and we receive love, we feel better and we generally begin to thrive.

But love is not a one-way street.

We also need to give love.

I know that many people will get very defensive here and say that all they do is to give love and they never get anything back but what I know from my own life is that when I thought I was giving love, I was often being very codependent.

I was caught up in people-pleasing patterns or sacrificed myself in order to prioritise other people’s needs, desires and preferences when really that meant they were not taking responsibility for themselves. That’s not healthy adult behaviour.

Babying adults is not love.

It’s codependency.

I think when we focus on getting love, we forget to practice the skill of loving.

For me, becoming more loving was the result of healing my inner wounds, resetting my expectations and taking ownership of my desires, dreams, needs, fears and insecurities and all the rest that comes with being human.

Empowering myself and letting others empower themselves is one of the greatest acts of love.

It helped me shift out of the trap of trying to get love to feel complete and good about myself into learning how to love myself and others from a place of inner security that wasn’t tarnished by any kind of fear or lack-based thinking.

I invite you to check out my courses and programs that help you to let go of unhealthy or codependent patterns that make your life harder than it has to be.

My favourite course about being more loving and empowered in relationships is called ‘Empowered in Love — Developing a Powerful Relationship Mindset’.

Find it here: www.epiclove.me/store

With Love, Marlena



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Marlena Tillhon MSc

Marlena Tillhon MSc

Self-actualise through inner healing, self-mastery & alignment— Success in Love & Business — follow me on IG @lovewithclarity and on linktr.ee/marlena