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Shifting Away from the External Focus of Codependency
Having an external focus is one of the main characteristics of codependency. It means that we focus our attention away from ourselves and onto other people and activities. We do this to avoid ourselves. Focusing on others is a distraction from our uncomfortable feelings and internal struggles.
We naturally want to end our own suffering when we struggle to deal with our own experience. As children we learnt that focusing outwards provides some relief and so we continue to use this strategy.
Sadly, what helped to keep us safe and sane as children, negatively impacts us as adults.
The Cost of an External Focus
Many people complain about feeling anxious, angry, stressed, irritable and depressed.
When our attention is focused away from us, we neglect to take care of ourselves. We don’t notice what’s going on for us as we are so well practiced in ignoring ourselves, which means that we don’t take appropriate action.
In healthy relationships we attune, respond and engage with ourselves and others. Having an external focus and focusing our attention away from ourselves makes this impossible.
We are not attuned to ourselves and so cannot respond to ourselves appropriately. We will fail to…
