The Choice You Have To Make After An Infidelity
I have worked with a lot of clients and couples who have experienced infidelity within their romantic relationship.
To say that it’s a soul-destroying experience for at least one partner is an understatement.
But what they all have in common is this: understanding how the person they loved and trusted could do that to them?
It just doesn’t make any sense?
It’s like the person they trusted and loved wasn’t real.
And that’s the hardest part for them.
To combine the version of that person they trusted and loved to the one that hurt and betrayed them so badly.
Some of my clients continue to stay in the relationship.
But what I have come to realise is this:
You never go back to what came before, to who you were before, to who they were before, to how the relationship was before.
Because one major variable has changed.
Your partner.
They are no longer the person you feel in love with because back then it was all untainted.
They hadn’t hurt you.
They hadn’t broken your trust.
If they had, you probably wouldn’t have chosen them.
So now, that’s who you have to chose.
The version of them that did hurt you.
“The version of you that I loved doesn’t exist anymore.”
You are basically starting a new relationship with someone who you didn’t originally choose and that’s what’s hard.
It is also what is possible with a lot of support, inner healing and relationship skill building.
But it’s a conscious choice you have to make.
It’s a conscious choice to learn to love a version of your partner you didn’t originally choose and that’s tainted with negative associations.
All stuff you can work through.
But are you willing?
That’s what you need to ask yourself.
With Love, Marlena
